this is a letter i wrote which i just ran across when saving my last post. i think it was meant to be rediscovered when i needed it, and i think this was a good time to read something i wrote when a bit more rational. although i can still see it as being a bit idealistic as far as movement goes and now that i know some other things about what it is to move and be in place. anyhow, i thought it might be a bit relevant, and plus i thought that since it helped me think it is relevant to how i am thinking at the moment. i am not different than i was at the posting of my last post, just a bit more distracted. and i'll try to get to this before the next minute hand goes by. here:
What you will find once you start to relocate your experience, once you head off to college, once you remove yourself from the familiar, is that freedom is merely decision and will. Right now you probably feel constrained, in fact I know you do...but just getting away with purpose is what will allow you the decision you have never had the ability to make before...not to stray too far off topic, but this is one of the reasons i don't think you should get engaged as of yet, for you don't know the kind of freedom and self-reliance you need to make well-informed decisions. I am going on the road this summer. I am taking my car and driving, taking the money I have and just using it. I am doing what I want to do, what I feel I need to do. Part of deciding to travel is that in making a life of my own, moving out of my parents house, even if just to school, has given me a new outlook on the permanence of location. It is one of the reasons I want to write on the idea of place, and how it affects the human psyche. Why is it that moving away from my home gives me such a new outlook on my life decisions? I was planning a road trip last summer, before I had moved, but I was too tied to the comfort and familiarity of my home and the people I considered my friends to break away. I wanted someone to go with me to California while we could visit our respective friends. Now I know that this is something I want to do alone, and thus I need to commit to it and just go. Waiting around for other people will only lead to what I feel is a stagnation which most of my friends have reached. Movement is essential to developing, not letting myself get stuck in one situation, over and over and over. While repetition is not bad, and seeing and caring about the same people is more than not bad but quite the opposite, being essential to being at all, letting anything become unintriguing makes for a dull life. What is the point of discontinuing the challenge of assessing new situations, letting yourself fall inot the trap of "safety"?
Now my road trip will consist of driving, staying and circling. Repetition in this sense is critical to evaluating what the necessity of movement is, for in a continual state of movement, no "place" can offer anything but a transition. No place can be something which affects your being enough that leaving it creates a difference. Familiarity drives our conscious and unconscious minds. Your dreams are filled with the familiar. You cannot dream about that which you do not know, your brain cannot create that which it has never seen or meshed, and the same is true for experience. Nothing we know is beyond the physical, or what we might be able to imagine. Even such abstract ideas as god take the imagined form of a human being, with aspects of human concepts such as power, knowing and place. Where do we get off assuming that what it is we experience is all there is? Do the movements we pay no attention to just not exist? In some people's minds that which is not the end passes them by, and thus they are creatures nearer to animal than we can imagine in a human being. Misunderstanding or lack of attempt to understand how your self makes decisions, moves, and/or associates itself with place or persons leads to stagnation, and indecisive behavior. Movement and analysis are crucial to progress, whether it be as a race, or as individuals. We must be creatures of development if we are to succeed, and not the creatures of habit which we so often label ourselves as. Letting go of restrictions we place upon ourselves because we just fail to realize other possibilites is the key to learning. We see this on small scales, like when we are taught information, contradicting opinions, the ideas of free thought which allow opinions to contradict other than by personal experience in schools and in social interaction. We are creatures of movement. We must be, or we are but creatures."
hope i don't just clutter your friends pages. [hooray irony]