This gives me the impression that some of you may have very little real idea of who I am.
This is my fault. I am always too closed, even with people I care about, even when sometimes I desperately want to be otherwise. In the spirit of Christmas, I am going to fill out two huge meme-polls. Hopefully they will be interesting if you care to read them.
Here's how you play: copy and paste this list into your own journal, bold the statements you agree with, and change the rest so they're true.
01. I love Reed.
02. I like bowling.
03. I can never think of good song quotes that will be useful to anyone but myself.
04. I don't like diving head first into very shallow pools.
05. Often, I am way too emotional with songs.
06. I love to drive, and would like to take more road trips.
07. My parents don't know me very well at all, despite making them think they do.
08. I know my parents as their equal, not their kid.
09. Money is something I will always worry about, but only because I'm an artist and I'm likely gonna make jack shit for a living.
10. I often worry about how formal I should be in emails and text messages.
11. I don't drink enough milk because I spend all my money on beer.
12. I don't really enjoy editing, but I'm working on cultivating that enjoyment.
13. Ugh, I kind of hate those slimy bastardly tomato things.
14. My mom pisses me off on the phone less than my father can.
15. I try very hard to be consistent and to avoid hypocrisy.
16. I've been to 19 states.
17. I have a very inconsistent memory.
18. I wish I was a singer with a less annoying voice.
19. I should eat more eggs.
20. I still haven't read the Lord of the Rings because as I failed to read them all before the first movie came out I decided to wait until they were all through to attempt to read them.
21. I used to have horrible asthma, but now it's not a problem.
22. I'd like to be a vegetarian, but I like the taste of meat too much.
23. I like giving people meaningful gifts.
24. I think Edward Norton is one of the best young actors.
25. Fish are alright, but I'm not so good with the maintenance of uncommunicative pets.
26. Garlic mashed potatoes make me so happy.
27. I am on here too much sometimes.
28. Not having money makes me use my credit card too often.
29. I am a kind of tall man.
30. I don't really get sick all that often, and when I do it's over fairly quickly.
31. I don't mind my feet and I wear sandals nearly all year round.
32. Most of my relatives live in Washington State.
33. I've watched a fairly large amount of Family Guy, but I'm no afficianado.
34. My parents are still married after 30 some years. I'm surprised, but proud of them.
35. I look strangers in the eye when I walk down the street.
36. I always tend to let my big mouth open up at the wrong moments.
37. In practice, war really frightens me, but I love reading war books and watching war movies.
38. I read liturgy at mass as a young child and through high school, and sang and played guitar in my church choir intermittently until then as well.
39. I can't speak any languages fluently, but I know two dead languages moderately well.
40. I'm not sure I'm coherent enough on a simple level to be a successful writer in my lifetime.
41. I work hard, but I don't think I work hard enough.
42. The value of education comes from the experience, not the name of the institution.
43. Sometimes I like sweating.
44. I can do anything with my sleep schedule, and I can do anything while asleep.
45. I'm afraid that if I live alone I might not talk to anyone ever again.
46. I'd never like to be stupid filthy rich. I'd probably give away all my money if I managed to have that kind of income.
47. I love dogs, and cats, and birds, and lizards.
48. I love women who don't (seem to/let on if they) worry too much about their appearances.
49. I've never shoplifted anything. Stolen, but not from a store.
50. I don't panic about it, but I detest the idea of debt.
51. I'm either extremely selfish or not at all.
52. I have sex dreams.
53. I once ate half a stick of butter even though I have made fun of girls I know for liking this. My excuse is that it was a birthday gift that I did this.
54. I am not actually as dirty as you think I am.
55. I don't know how to put on eyeliner all that well.
56. I don't wear shorts unless I'm working out or playing sports.
57. I love experimental hip hop.
58. This semester my mack has been getting me into trouble.
59. I speak TV english.
60. I don't know enough about Mariah Carey to have an opinion about her sanity.
61. I own a thrift store tv that is rarely used for television.
62. I can bend over backwards further than you can.
63. I own too many books that I haven't read.
64. I love making people smile and/or laugh.
65. I don't know where I want to go... somewhere I can work on my art?
66. I often become affectionate when drunk.
67. I have three living grandparents, my mother's mother and my father's parents, but really I have no idea since I'm adopted. I may be losing my hair but it may just be winter time.
68. I'm very happy I majored in studio art, and while a lot of other things would have been possible, and maybe even easier, they would not have made me as happy or fulfilled.
69. Homophobia is rooted in insecurity.
70. I think "Clue" is a wonderful movie.
71. I am not getting bored.
72. Food = sensuality.
73. If only I could find a pair of high heels that were a men's 13, my drag outfits would be so much more rounded out.
74. I should be having sex.
75. I hate mosquitoes.
76. I had my wisdom teeth out already, and the doctor left me on nitrous for what felt like an eternity.
77. I'd love an omelet right now.
78. I've got a neurotic fear of bees.
79. I'm having children, but not for a long long time.
80. Soda is bad.
81. I don't drink much of it, though.
82. I won't lie.. I like having nice stuff, but personal used crap is better.
83. There are recreational drugs that I haven't done that I would like to try.
84. My dad has been extremely supportive of me in my post graduation funk.
85. I answer the phone and deal with things as they come up.
86. I wish I had more time for travel.
87. I regret few things in life.
88. I love the smell of BBQs.
89. I like looking at the stars.
90. I like sleeping.
91. I wish I could've spent one day alive during the Summer of Love.
92. I hate when people don't know the difference between your and you're and there, they're, and their, and its and it's.
93. I like going to concerts.
94. Strip bars are really only entertaining for their psychological observation.
95. I don't worry about how smart I am.
96. Re-elect Bill Clinton.
97. I can deal with orders, but I might argue for a while before giving in.
98. I really hate No Doubt.
99. I like people who argue with me.
100. I wish I knew everything about architecture.
1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before?
Killed a baby, finished a thesis/earned a BA, spent a weekend in the ICU, drank alcohol through a tube in my nose while reciting a poem, blew bubbles walking through the streets of Manhattan for three hours, went to a Harley festival, won a poetry slam, had video art on display in a public space, met a tv movie director(heh), and wrote my parents a poem for Chrstmas (upon request).
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't quite remember what I resolved to do, but I'm sure it was a failure. I will probably not make any resolutions, at least at first, but then I'll think of them as the first few days of 2004 roll on by.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not that I can think of. I assume that means either A) the answer is no, B) I have an awful memory, or C) they weren't that close to me.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My great uncle died, but we weren't that close. A friend of my poetry friends died of an overdose. They were all quite stricken, but I couldn't even say I really remembered him.
5. What countries did you visit?
I'm still on a great big 2 for countries I've been in. USA and Canada, which is really only B.C. I didn't leave the country this year, and I haven't since 1999.
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?
Sane relationships. A job. A spiritual life.
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Friday, May 2nd. I very nearly lost my life, and I learned that while most of Reed College is very good about pretending they don't care about you, most of these people would flock to your aid if it were a dire situation and they thought they might be able to help. They care a lot more than they let on.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing school despite almost dying. I'm the king of successful slack.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Hurting too many people without intending to. Wavering too often.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
It's been covered. Scroll up.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A sampling keyboard from the bins. A Casio SK-5 for $5 which goes for $80 or so on eBay.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Reed College graduates.
Johnny Cash's death merited memorial celebration.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My own for one. And that of someone I used to be in love with.
The US Government, the American people.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Beer and cigarettes. Gas money. Art supplies.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing the Notwist.
Graduating from Reed.
Seeing James Turrell talk at the UW.
Going to New York for 2 weeks this summer.
Seeing Primus back in original form on my birthday.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003?
Perhaps the Peter Gabriel song 'Growing Up'.
That, or some of my own music...notably, '5 more miles' and 'Why I Quit My Job' perhaps. There's so much more, but this is a small question.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
happier, but more confused
ii. smaller or larger?
about the same
iii. richer or poorer?
probably about the same
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wallowing in self-pity. Crying. Sleeping. Playing Risk on my computer. Sleeping.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my family, and I showed some of my videos to the tv director and my cousins. All the adults who had expressed interest at Thanksgiving were nowhere to be seen. I put up my two blue feet as white elephant gifts and then felt nostalgia for the right foot and so I took it back when I got to trade.
22. Did you fall in love in 2003?
I thought I did. I think I tried too hard though.
23. How many one-night stands?
Twoish. Depends how you count returns from the past, and, the year still isn't over. ; )
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Um, I don't watch TV much.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Surely. But I didn't know any of the ones I'm thinking of this time last year either.
26. What was the best book you read?
I've been kind of awful about reading for a while now. School demolished my reading motivation. However, I suppose I'd have to say either Island by Aldous Huxley, Essays on the Blurring of Art and Life by Allan Kaprow, or Inversions by Iain Banks. If I'm forgetting a book I loved, well, I have a bad memory, and maybe it wasn't so hot then anyhow. I also mined a lot of books without having a chance to actually read them, including one by an art history professor at the grad school I'm looking into.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
! Feedback !
28. What did you want and get?
A place to live for more than 4 months uninterrupted. Affirmation for my work and my life. I felt very appreciated this year, even if it hasn't really panned out into much other than lip service (not that I'm saying it has been so intended).
29. What did you want and not get?
A second chance. But, luckily that desire kind of dissipated. Kind of.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Lost in Translation
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I saw Primus on their reunion tour (Tim Alexander came back to play with Les and Ler, who knows how permanent this is), and I turned 23. Last year I saw Les' side project, The Fearless Flying Frog Brigade on my birthday, so it was doubly cool to see Primus this year on my birthday.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Feeling more satisfied with the amount of work I've gotten done. Then again, I think sometimes I underestimate what I actually accomplish.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?
Maximum hair chaos + scaring the timid.
34. What kept you sane?
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most this year?
erm...people I fancy aren't usually a typical 'celebrity' or 'public figure' so I can't really say.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Fascism sneaking in through the back door.
37. Who did you miss?
38. Who was the best new person you met?
That's difficult...I met some fairly awesome new people this year, so classifying the best one might make me some enemies. I'll make a list, in no specific order instead.
Ian and Roz (reacquaintances)
I just met Nicola Grissom, well_lahdidah (even though we went to school together for four years) but she's shaping up to seem fairly rad.
Kelley Healey kind of fits in that same category, as I had barely known her before this spring and even less before late summer.
Ivar Anderson. How could I forget Ivar? Often we are such reflections, and it's funny because it's true.
Devo. Devo is awesome and really, how can I ever fault someone who has love for the Benson and Hedges?
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003:
Great, this should be easy. Um...take it easy, but not too easy. Even when I think I'm moving with patient awareness, I need to step back and assess the pace at which I'm traversing various paths. Don't move too slowly, but don't wait around for too long either. Stop fence sitting. Either pick a side or completely ignore the fence altogether.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:</i>
I posted this back at the beginning of 2003, on January 11th, but I think it holds for the year.
Doctor My Eyes by Jackson Browne
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
and the slow parade of fears without crying,
now I want to understand.
I have done all that I could
to see the evil and the good without hiding.
You must help me if you can.
Doctor my eyes!
Tell me what is wrong.
Was I unwise, to leave them open for so long?
'Cause I have wandered through this world
and as each moment has unfurled
I've been waiting to awaken from this dream.
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until
I got this feeling
that it's later than it seems.
Doctor my eyes!
Tell me what you see.
I hear their cries
just say if it's too late for me.
Doctor my eyes!
I cannot see the sky.
Is this the prize,
for having learned how not to cry?