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Mon, Dec. 22nd, 2003, 09:29 am
The trouble I look for

never ends up being the trouble I end up with.

Maybe I ought to just give up.

I wonder if, with all I've done, the Church would still have me.

Maybe I'm just letting myself be blinded. Maybe I'm just too naive for all this. I'm surprised I'm writing this here, but supposedly I am. I am way too tired.

I wish I knew what I was doing, or doing wrong as it may be.

Garble garble blearg.

And, littering this space with more unnecessarily aesthetic garbage,

I managed to survive this first week at home pretty well, but I also managed to stir up some little hurricanes. Being with my family has been fine, I just can't manage to leave well enough alone when I'm out and about. Everything ends up on the escalated kick. In my world there is no chilling, no calm relaxed perambulation, no easy take. Things do not wander through my head, they are processed into nothingness while the ever unrepressible tick tock clambers over their marshalled madness. Do not stops for less than half convinced yields. I regularly challenge the very foundations upon which my decisions are made, and then burn them down around me. Ladybug, ladybug.

I just wish I could breathe underwater. I used to be able to...quite well.

Well, here's to holding your breath.
(Deleted comment)

Mon, Dec. 22nd, 2003 10:04 am (UTC)
holyloki

No, I haven't been. I've been thinking about starting again though. I just need to find a good church down in Portland first. The only ones I've been to have been kind of out there.
(Deleted comment)

Mon, Dec. 22nd, 2003 10:13 am (UTC)
holyloki

I'm planning on going to midnight mass at St. James, and then I'm leaving on sunday so I'm not sure if I'll have a good opportunity to go to Mass with you, but I'm down to hang out. Why don't you come to Dante's tonight?

Mon, Dec. 22nd, 2003 12:45 pm (UTC)
well_lahdidah

i have found myself wondering if i could go back to church, ever, considering i have never confessed and i am sure i couldn't remember all the things i would need to confess to. but the last time i went to mass, i took communion. i think i am going to hell.

Mon, Dec. 22nd, 2003 01:06 pm (UTC)
holyloki

Technically you make confession en masse immediately before communion...that is, if you are paying attention and join in the absolution.

"Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed."

(I haven't been in a while either, so I had to look up the exact wording.)

I wonder how many people manage to sin (and how often?) between that confession and receiving communion...it's not that long (depending on the size of the church I suppose), perhaps on purpose, yet I wonder what the rate is on people taking communion with sins on their conscience.

Tue, Dec. 23rd, 2003 02:50 pm (UTC)
escape_of_maude

Hey I just sent directions to holyloki@livejournal.com, hope that works.

Tue, Dec. 23rd, 2003 02:54 pm (UTC)
holyloki

indeed it does. walking out the door.