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Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003, 05:55 am

i just articulated my problem (or at least one of them) well, and i'd like to record it.


my issues with communication become apparent when looking at how i attempt to communicate, as opposed to just doing so. i spend so much time thinking about how i should communicate, that i end up failing to do so.

whenever i'm nervous i think about how to say things rather than just speaking from the unconscious.

regardless of malia telling me that one day that i was the most genuine person her or hannah knows, i must then wonder how genuineness relates to the ability to communicate. does my desire to be precise(honest?) create an outward personality that is very consistent, but that then cannot let the small details that make us human out without jeopardizing that consistency? or, is it that in taking my time to speak when unsure, that i then avoid blithering just in order to participate in a conversation? do i create honesty through avoidance of difficult details, or by avoiding the instinct, which may occur in normal people, to talk to fill space?

which is ultimately a more complimentary nature, i'm not sure.

Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 09:03 am (UTC)
rockstarbob

I've always thought you thoughtful. I wish I had a bit more of that in me. The ADHD makes me incredibly impulsive, which causes me to blurt out most everything I'm thinking -- it has it's benefits and drawbacks. It also leads to me chattering endlessly about irrelevant minutiae and small talk. I've been trying to temper that in myself. I think I'd like to wend my way more toward the middle of the spectrum. Maybe you could meet me there. :)

Sun, Oct. 19th, 2003 05:43 pm (UTC)
khadaji: examples a, b and c

lordy, every other thing you write up here is something i've wanted to write myself over the last year, but could never figure out how to word.

my feelings on honesty:
i feel that honesty in what you say is conveyed via a combination of wording and the projection of your chi. honesty entails focus on what you are saying, not focus on how you are saying it. if you are attempting communication with someone, and your focus is on communicating your idea, what is observed by the other end of the conversation is an idea distracted by something nebulous, unknowable and uncommunicated, which happens to be the thought process working inside your head. alternately, if your focus is purely on your idea, what comes out of you (not just out of your mouth, but out of you) is the Idea of Ryan, complete with all the Nuances of the Life, Experience and Being that Is Ryan. i feel that the small details of what a person says are more likely to be successfully conveyed through a process of implication and inference (subliminal exchange, if you will), and not so well in a complicated sentential structure (at least in casual verbal speech). the flow of conversation will tell you whether or not the other person understood what you meant, and you can refine discussion from there.

aside from all of that:
ryan, i adore your writing. i feel that i am a person with a great deal of compassion for all the kiddies with neat little online journals, but as far as engaging writing-of-ideas goes, i am seemingly challenging to intrigue. but you both intrigue and challenge me. i only know what one of the others is, but your journal is unquestionably in my top three.
for the love of all that is sacred... keep... writing.
you may find yourself helping to save the world someday.