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Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003, 05:22 am
why i don't post

a) often, i will interpret others' responses to me as being bored. without encouragement i am as good as mute, otherwise i sometimes spout prophetic proclamations.

b) i embarrass myself with my neurosis, these things disappear to hidden groves of ash trees. only strangers see these things because i'd rather you don't worry or toss off ever reading due to my over-analysis.

c) i discount my own work(writing and art) too often, and do not therefore thrust it upon you. these things get posted other places, and suffer the same discomfort as described in part a. again, if you're interested, please, pay attention and let me know(see my about in my user info if you'd like). i am a glutton for reinforcement, otherwise, whether i continue to produce or not, i may sequester it all away. also, i tend to disdain fishing for attention. i want to earn it by value, not rope it in with hit singles to capitalize upon or make my work pop when it needs to do otherwise. i value subtlety to the point that i will not give it up in exchange for broader communicative appeal.

d) neurosis means i also sit, censoring and preparing myself until nothing will come out. it happens more often that the reason nothing emerges is based in the time taken up in over thought, not in the holism of censorship.


-- despite these things, i am still trying sometimes. i need to redevelop my relationship with this journal. for too long i have let external pressures limit my expression. please, someone give me back my honesty(openness). i will be trying again, with another new journal to contain free form stream of consciousness writing. 8 this will be anything, and hopefully it will be both entertaining and honest. this journal has too much stigma for me right now. maybe later it will regain some glory.

Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 10:17 am (UTC)
patrick

We are all gluttons for reinforcement. Unfortunetaly, it's not the easiest thing to come by unless you are a female posting naked pictures, it seems.

I tend to enjoy your work, though.

Sun, Oct. 19th, 2003 05:16 pm (UTC)
khadaji

haha, good call

Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 03:03 pm (UTC)
very

i'm not sure what kind of honesty/openness you are looking for but if you are interested i will add you to one of other journals that i have, in which i write entries of a more personal nature. i just don't know if that would interest you. but if it makes you feel any better i do read every word you post in this journal, even though i may hardly comment. i guess i feel that i don't have anything significant to say but i also forget that just saying something is better than nothing. anyway, hope this is somewhat supportive. i will also be keeping up with 8 as well, it looks interesting.

Fri, Oct. 17th, 2003 03:07 pm (UTC)
holyloki: 'give me back my honesty'

i just meant that i had somehow lost mine, not that i felt i was being gipped out of other people's honesty. i may be interested in your other journal, but don't share it if you aren't comfortable.
thanks jane : )