b) i embarrass myself with my neurosis, these things disappear to hidden groves of ash trees. only strangers see these things because i'd rather you don't worry or toss off ever reading due to my over-analysis.
c) i discount my own work(writing and art) too often, and do not therefore thrust it upon you. these things get posted other places, and suffer the same discomfort as described in part a. again, if you're interested, please, pay attention and let me know(see my about in my user info if you'd like). i am a glutton for reinforcement, otherwise, whether i continue to produce or not, i may sequester it all away. also, i tend to disdain fishing for attention. i want to earn it by value, not rope it in with hit singles to capitalize upon or make my work pop when it needs to do otherwise. i value subtlety to the point that i will not give it up in exchange for broader communicative appeal.
d) neurosis means i also sit, censoring and preparing myself until nothing will come out. it happens more often that the reason nothing emerges is based in the time taken up in over thought, not in the holism of censorship.
-- despite these things, i am still trying sometimes. i need to redevelop my relationship with this journal. for too long i have let external pressures limit my expression. please, someone give me back my honesty(openness). i will be trying again, with another new journal to contain free form stream of consciousness writing. 8 this will be anything, and hopefully it will be both entertaining and honest. this journal has too much stigma for me right now. maybe later it will regain some glory.