Ryan Dunn

Went to dinner and conversation with my hum conference at my prof's apartment. that was fun. conversation went from reed student behaviors, to discussion of marriage as a viable institution to family stories to some interesting things in between. lots of lttle tidbits. hrm...almost confesional at times...how much of the work we did over the year, etc... *g*...i think i did more than some people despite what you all heard from my dormies...but even so my conference has a reputation because among the other conferences we are the very rare one that managed to have everyone at conference and lecture on a regular basis...almost everyone was at conference most of the time, and most of us were at lecture on a somewhat regular basis...the class is mandatory for all freshman and transfers not having a comperable class at their previous school and so it tends to receive the least respect and work input of other classes people are taking. which still tends to be a bit of work, but just not as much as the others...anyhow...so that was fun...we didn't end up trying to have someone drink betsy under the table *g*[our prof] but we did get her to talk sparingly about her failed marriage during the whole stint into discussing the topic...
I've been feeling alright lately...obviously a bit lonely, but i don't forsee that being solved anytime in the near future, but there are some possibilities...hrm, it just sucks since i'll be leaving even when i do get home, so i'm not going to be settled long enough for something like what i would want to form and solidify...but like i said...maybe. : / ah well, i will be alright. i have bigger fish to fry right now. like writing my book of poetry and doing the art for it. if i don't get that done this summer it will inevitibly never be completed. so i have to get it done in the time i've alotted myself. i really am lonely. feel like i need something to go right for me right now, like something needs to pull itself together and be solid and mature and adult. i need something to lift my spirits from the sludge i feel i'm immersed in dealing with lately. if i encounter one slight bit of immaturity on my road trip i still have the option of just taking off...not necessarily in a rude manner, because i haven't comitted to anything with anyone, but i will just leave if i feel the need to get out of where ever i am. i think that includes even before i leave on the road...i am prepared to walk away if things aren't up to par, if i feel like i'm not receiving what i need to be fulfilled. i'm a helper by nature, but i can still only take so much when help isn't taken or appreciated. usually it is, but it gets so tiring. sometimes i just need someone to want to help me...not that i would take it upon myself to wear them down[because that is what has happened before, since i would let all my help needs out on someone the moment they let me lean on them] but i just need someone to lean on when i need it. i don't think i could let what i need out so much anymore, it just brings pain and suffering to myself. but i do need a soft place to lay my head just like everyone else does once in a while...just once in a while. : / wish i knew how to find someplace like that. wish i knew where i could ask to find out where to find a place like that.