I've been feeling alright lately...obviously a bit lonely, but i don't forsee that being solved anytime in the near future, but there are some possibilities...hrm, it just sucks since i'll be leaving even when i do get home, so i'm not going to be settled long enough for something like what i would want to form and solidify...but like i said...maybe. : / ah well, i will be alright. i have bigger fish to fry right now. like writing my book of poetry and doing the art for it. if i don't get that done this summer it will inevitibly never be completed. so i have to get it done in the time i've alotted myself. i really am lonely. feel like i need something to go right for me right now, like something needs to pull itself together and be solid and mature and adult. i need something to lift my spirits from the sludge i feel i'm immersed in dealing with lately. if i encounter one slight bit of immaturity on my road trip i still have the option of just taking off...not necessarily in a rude manner, because i haven't comitted to anything with anyone, but i will just leave if i feel the need to get out of where ever i am. i think that includes even before i leave on the road...i am prepared to walk away if things aren't up to par, if i feel like i'm not receiving what i need to be fulfilled. i'm a helper by nature, but i can still only take so much when help isn't taken or appreciated. usually it is, but it gets so tiring. sometimes i just need someone to want to help me...not that i would take it upon myself to wear them down[because that is what has happened before, since i would let all my help needs out on someone the moment they let me lean on them] but i just need someone to lean on when i need it. i don't think i could let what i need out so much anymore, it just brings pain and suffering to myself. but i do need a soft place to lay my head just like everyone else does once in a while...just once in a while. : / wish i knew how to find someplace like that. wish i knew where i could ask to find out where to find a place like that.
I've been feeling alright lately...obviously a bit lonely, but i don't forsee that being solved anytime in the near future, but there are some possibilities...hrm, it just sucks since i'll be leaving even when i do get home, so i'm not going to be settled long enough for something like what i would want to form and solidify...but like i said...maybe. : / ah well, i will be alright. i have bigger fish to fry right now. like writing my book of poetry and doing the art for it. if i don't get that done this summer it will inevitibly never be completed. so i have to get it done in the time i've alotted myself. i really am lonely. feel like i need something to go right for me right now, like something needs to pull itself together and be solid and mature and adult. i need something to lift my spirits from the sludge i feel i'm immersed in dealing with lately. if i encounter one slight bit of immaturity on my road trip i still have the option of just taking off...not necessarily in a rude manner, because i haven't comitted to anything with anyone, but i will just leave if i feel the need to get out of where ever i am. i think that includes even before i leave on the road...i am prepared to walk away if things aren't up to par, if i feel like i'm not receiving what i need to be fulfilled. i'm a helper by nature, but i can still only take so much when help isn't taken or appreciated. usually it is, but it gets so tiring. sometimes i just need someone to want to help me...not that i would take it upon myself to wear them down[because that is what has happened before, since i would let all my help needs out on someone the moment they let me lean on them] but i just need someone to lean on when i need it. i don't think i could let what i need out so much anymore, it just brings pain and suffering to myself. but i do need a soft place to lay my head just like everyone else does once in a while...just once in a while. : / wish i knew how to find someplace like that. wish i knew where i could ask to find out where to find a place like that.
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It's been almost 15 years
I never posted a ten year retrospective, and FIFTEEN is approaching. I feel like I've talked and thought more about LJ in the past year than I did in…
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(no subject)
Prepost apology: I still haven't written that 10 year state of livejournal that I promised back on my 10th LJ anniversary. I am still thinking about…
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Synchronicity
I just found that a new friend was a livejournal user and happened upon the realization that this, almost exactly, is my ten year anniversary. I…
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