I'm happy today.
(Also, as I said before: polar.)
Last night was incredibly pleasant for a whole series of hours. I smiled a lot.
First, Rachel and I cooked a very nice all American steak dinner with mashed potatos and steamed broccoli all from Pastaworks. Not to mention a fairly delicious bottle of wine. Yes, we're both dirt poor, well, sometimes these things must be done...who has time to worry about money when you're enjoying yourself, and after all, we didn't spend that much on our meal...and it was home cooked, which is so much nicer than a restaurant dinner. She ended up staying for a longer time than she probably should have, with work to do and all, but it was an excellent evening.
Once she left I moped for a bit over the state of things, and then I talked to James online and he was finished with his work for the evening. Thus, beer was walked over to the RCAs where we sat and talked for a bit before going to my favorite Kit Mexican Restaurant, La Conga...cheap 24 hour Mexican food. MMM. We also plotted on the film front, which is very good. I brought up the financial benefits of maybe trying to do some music video work on our return and James sounded intrigued...maybe we can find ourselves some satisfying work?
Discussing this, we took beer upstairs to Lidiya's apartment because she needed to be done with her thesis proposal for the night. I hope I didn't frighten her with the difficulty of my questions, but I wanted to help her strengthen her notions...in the long run those are the questions she needs to be asked, whether she's doing it herself or it's done by someone else, and often it's hard to ask yourself those questions. I wish Ethan had been more helpful in that department. He tried to ask hard questions sometimes, but often I wasn't quite sure how the questions he asked were entirely pertinent. But it's hard to be in either pair of shoes. Although, thinking about this now, it builds my confidence in how I was able to approach Lidiya's proposal when actually given the permission to behave in a teaching type of mode. I think I can be fairly clear when I want to...I mean, when I think about it, my thesis didn't ever require all that much editing for clarity. Usually it was changes in wording, not content. Often I just needed to step back and try to remove traces of trying to write my content in a correlatory manner. God damned poetry.
But, my point is that maybe my half-joking plan of getting my master's in the next three years and coming back for Ethan's job when he's up for tenure might be an interesting idea. I'm not sure how long a master's in art takes, but if it's a year maybe I can get another teaching job in the interim to build my resume so I won't be asking for a tenured job at Reed without any experience...but, I'm not even sure the position will be up for tenure necessarily at that point either. It may be a good plan to not rush things, but either way it brings me some confidence that teaching art may actually be a very real possibility once I feel ready to shell out bucks for a master's. Ok, "shell out bucks" may be a cocky way to speak about going back to school to further my degree, but what the fuck, I basically already did what a master's requires by graduating from Reed.
I think I've decided that I really do need to be more open here more often...I need to be more open in general though. I need stop worrying about who might read these things. If I'm honest, do I care who reads it? Stop being so tricky Ryan.