December 10th, 2005

grandma ryan

many times

i attempt to make a post or email or communication of some sort, especially when it's a full and adorned gift to those i think about but rarely have the chance at quality time with, and i lose my focus unto other more locally pertinent actions. i have a post saved that i tried to write a couple days ago reinforcing myself for having been productive by creating a studio space for myself and using it. also for getting a job i'm going to feel proud of myself for—but i lost it by beginning to add pictures of my progress. here's the rub, kids: i'm so profoundly headstrong about trying to get things accomplished sometimes that i forget to keep everything in order, and lose fundamental notions of patience. please forgive me, and i'll try to forgive myself and get on with things.

who would think that high expectations could cause a lack of fulfilling said expectations? i would, and i know it full well. i do try.

and so?