May 7th, 2005

grandma ryan

I had the weirdest dream ever last night

I don't know what preceded it, but for perhaps ten minutes before I woke up I was having a dream in which it was revealed to me by my doctor that I was born a hermaphrodite. I didn't look the same, although similar, and I was faced with confronting my parents about it. I remember being in the dream and fully aware it was a dream and yet convinced that what I was experiencing was based in reality. It was frightening and yet relieving—to know something that had been long hidden from me (at least in the dream). I asked my doctor if that meant I couldn't have children, and he confirmed it. I think that was the part that most concerned me, and yet I was unsure how to proceed with any of it. I believe I took a very long shower, locked myself in the bathroom while others were almost directly outside doing god knows what, and completely unaware of my then present conundrum.

How strange...I wonder why I would dream such a thing (and I don't really).

I've been feeling very odd lately.

Renn Fayre was all kinds of confusion factory. I'm sure being sick hasn't helped either.
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