May 21st, 2004

grandma ryan

imaginary weight

i hate it when i get depressed. an obvious statement, but really, i get demobilized. i can't do much of use. i lie in bed unable to do whatever it was i was supposed to be doing as a productive member of society.

my resume has only mentally and emotionally fucked me for the past year. really, i know what to do i just can't do it. and i think all my employers/references hate me or don't really know me/care. i know these things aren't true, but that doesn't matter.

demobilized. cement on my feet. so i do something else...and i still won't have a job in a month, even though i could probably do just about anything anyone asked me to do.

i fucking hate this.
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