February 13th, 2004

grandma ryan

(no subject)

I read the Mercury Valentines wishes...oh joy.

I did see a few I recognized though most of them were vague on the individuals. Most of the ones I can guess at are silly Reed-like comments.

The one about the Lutz I'm certain of.
grandma ryan

Grrsigh.

I'm tired, really.

I fucked up my last real relationship (or at least feel it so), and since then I have been dancing along among strange indeterminate madness.

All this V-Day stuff has me feeling exposive. (no, not explosive)

I have been in and out of situations that just haven't really ever fit right for one reason or another. I have been delusional, regretful, over-excited, under-excited, confused and numb. Not to say most of it hasn't been worthwhile if not down-right fun.

But...I've gotten tired. I'm not sure if I want a stable, slow-moving, well built and intentioned relationship, or if I want to date no one. I'm tired of the middle.

I wish I had more of a clue. Here's to figuring some shit out, and not making mistakes or forgetting to apologize at the appropriate moment—to anyone, even myself.

Maybe I'll finally start the new year.