April 21st, 2000

grandma ryan

(no subject)

wow, i can't believe the school year is winding down...i just filled out my registration and turned it in for next fall...this year has seemed so short, and yet so much has happened...so many exciting things, so many horrible stressful things...i don't know whether i should count this as a good year or not...

oh wow, this has been sitting here for at least a day [ack]...
grandma ryan

(no subject)

i decided i'm not putting in effort where there is none forthcoming after some period of time. i'm tired of being the only one who cares and tries in my relationships. i'd rather be alone than worried and neglected. and thusly i am doing well :) i have freed myself.
grandma ryan

(no subject)

this is a message i sent to a "friend" who said they didn't say anything to me earlier today becase they thought i was in a bad mood. actually i just didn't care to talk to her.:

heh. no, i'm not in a bad mood. i'm glad. i'm free from dealing with fakes and selfish liars. all those people who only come around when they want something are gone. if someone wants to actively respond to my genuine concern for them, they can put that effort in. if they don't react with integrity or responsibility after a while i decided i'm not hanging on to those people. they can come talk to me when they feel i'm worth their time, because until that is true, they aren't worth mine. seriously. this is a revelation i should have made a long time ago...i am a free man :) i am doing what i want, and i am not trying to please others who don't already appreciate what i do, even if it is just care.[shrug] this is actually very wonderful...i can care about myself now without not caring about others. i'm just not hurting myself over those who don't reciprocate.

: )