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Tue, Apr. 4th, 2000, 12:26 am

oh...what a strange day...got 2 hrs of sleep last night, less actually, got my paintings done to a point where i didn't feel as stupid as i would have having them be critiqued...went to halsteads because i decided i needed my hat back, since the sun is going to kill my head otherwise...learned that things are not okay really. in fact, not. so i guess that's that...hrm, too bad. :(
we'll see...i am not going to call her again...letting her call me first for sure. since i don't really know about anything that is going on, and i am tired of worrying about it. i'm going to focus on the things i need to do, and do them...even if that means being alone, without even the consolation of a hopeful friend, which i could probably still have, but things would be odd if i still hung around...i'm going to wait to let her say if she even wants me to hang out...although i was getting into the crowd of people that hang out there, and had known most of them vaguely before, but was getting more in...and i'll miss that, but i'm letting her decide if she wants me around, that's just that.

"No more big wheels
Fleas the size of rats sucked on rats the size of cats
And ten thousand peoploids split into small tribes
Coveting the highest of the sterile skyscrapers
Like packs of dogs assaulting the glass fronts of Love-Me Avenue
Ripping and rewrapping mink and shiny silver fox, now legwarmers
Family badge of sapphire and cracked emerald
Any day now
The Year of the Diamond Dogs "
-David Bowie

things are, and are not. i've become involved in a case regarding my school's faculty which intrigues me much too much, appeals to my urge to be insane, reckless flagrant intellectualism spewn over the heads of fleas.. but i think i will not allow it. i need my social sanity for some purposes. relinquishing it might not be in the best of my interest.
for now,
     -ryan